All this hellish red robot wants to do is clap at you

Have you ever sat on a hillside in the dead of the night, gazed towards the heavens, and thought, “why oh why, dear lord, isn’t there a red lollipop shaped robot that claps at my enemies?”

Good. I’m glad it’s not just me.

Yes, gather round and please welcome Big Clapper, the most Japanese invention since Japan.

Uh, what?

Right then.

Launched on Kickstarter yesterday, Big Clapper is described as having a “a roundish red body and a delightfully dapper expression.” To me, it’s got more of a ‘summoned from the depths of the inferno’ sorta vibe, but let’s not split hairs.

It works by using a motion sensor to recognize when someone is nearby. The 90cm-tall robot then claps and yells at them like a hellbeast. Pre-orders for the robot began in Japan in 2017, but now the company is raising funds to release 100 units of an English language version. May god help us all.

You’ll also be happy to hear that there’s an iOS app that connects to Big Clapper. If you sync the robot to iTunes, it’ll clap along to songs in a totally non-weird way. There’s also a function that lets you speak through Big Clapper. Talk into your phone and Big Clapper will repeat it in its dulcet tones.

Sorry, this is getting too upsetting, watch this video while I compose myself:

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Oh lord.

Sorry, did I forget to tell you about Big Clapper’s SOFT HANDS?

Please, no.